Playoffs? Ya wanna talk about playoffs!

It’s that time of the year…the playoffs are here!

And I’m still in fucking last place.

After I graduated from college, my first career lead to my first fantasy  football league, and consequently, my first, last place consolation game…ever.


A lot has taken place since I last got on here and typed. There have been a lot of tragedies in the NFL and the stateside surrounding the ESPN campus in Connecticut. So much has been said by so many, particularly by Bob Costas of NBC Sports.

Among the tragedies, arguments have arisen as to the legalities of guns and drugs, the availability of mental care facilities, the responsibilities of sports teams owners, and the emotions that we should all be feeling.

Personally, going on vacation, only to come back to such shocking news was alarming.

Newtown, Connecticut, and the families involved in the Belcher and Brent incidents have been eternally affected by the presence of drugs and guns in our country.

I’m obviously nowhere near the journalistic echelon of Bob Costas, so I can’t tell you that gun control or mental health will help America.

Hell, I mean, I can barely decide whether to start Steve Johnson or Darren Sproles at FLEX each week. How could I be responsible for adding to the gobbledygook that is already floating around out there?

I can’t.

But I can say that fantasy football has been a very nice respite from the daily dramas that continue to plague our citizens. I thoroughly enjoyed the moment of silence taken by the ESPN Radio community, and of course, wish for the best for all involved.

On a lighter note, the New York Jets drama is continuing, and I fuckin’ love it! How could you not?

My best bud and his pops are die hard Steelers fans, so I love jabbing them with Tebow comments (He single-handed took the Steel Men out last year with one pass). He has been a sinister force since entering the NFL, and I don’t see it changing.

He’s like the Mafia. He shows up, and everything goes to shit unless he gets his way.

It’s gotta be Jesus on his side.

Monday Night Football is going on during a Saturday, something even the Mayans couldn’t have planned for December 22, 2012. It’s truly a miracle we’re even here–what with the catastrophic events around the globe and whatnot.

Even weirder, Stefan Logan just took a knee on a kickoff return within the 20.

It’s been a funky 2 weeks out of a crazy, crazy season.

Going into the year, I had a fair amount of confidence. This was shortly dismissed as 3/4 of my running back core ended up either not starting or getting hurt. You know things are going to be bleak when you gotta bank on Toby Gerhart and DeAngelo Williams for points. But I survived, and like my first fantasy football season, my new career also lead to my first paid vacation, which I gladly used to vent some pent up hostility toward Stevie Johnson.

Upon entry back into the work world, the regular season was over, and the playoffs had just started. Due to points totals, I was seeded ninth (third, among a three way tie for record [5-8]), and playing the tenth ranked opponent, a woman from work, who had trained me as an intern.

So, obviously I wanted victory.

Unfortunately, my bench did most the work.

Now, I’m struggling to not be the laughing stock. I thought for sure I was safe, but then I tanked. And this week just may bring shame and agony.

I managed to take a massive nose dive amid some seemingly rookie mistakes. I gave away Cam Newton after acquiring Romo and having continued faith in Luck. Well, unluckily for me, Cam went absolutely ape shit once I traded him and hasn’t looked back.

Another fickle creature that’s crept upon me in the beginning of the playoffs, is an uncanny ability to sit an entire B team that subsequently outscores my A team by 40 points. This has happened twice in the first two playoff weeks.

We don’t have a punishment in our league, but Goddamn, I just wanna beat somebody!

Last week I lost the Ultimate Loser (9 vs. 10) consolation game, to advance to the ULTIMATE Ultimate Loser consolation game.

As if I needed affirmation.

Anyway, I won’t have to pay up in two weeks, but someone will. Here’s a look at some optional punishments for last place:

1) Loser gets a house fire–Nothing says you suck at fantasy football more than smoldering embers.

2) Loser gets tatted up.

3) Loser gets a belly button piercing.

4) The Mankini treatment.

5) Beer Bitch–Ahem, since you’re up…

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