It’s About Time! Fantasy Ballers just now Coming Around

I was a little shit as a kid.

We all go through those phases in our lives, but most of us are able to grow up and get over always trying to fuck the establishment.

Most of us…

I’ve always had a pension for not following rules.

For me, it was always difficult to grant respect to authority.

“You need to get a haircut,” I vividly remember a female teacher saying to me as my friend and I walked by her classroom.

“You need to get a life, old hag,” I responded.

After 9/11, I routinely received detention for wearing a black t-shirt featuring Osama Bin Laden in cross hairs.

Fite aka “Hero”
Hero, “Hepburning”

My friends and I all skated and also spent much of our time vandalizing local property. We once smashed a huge shipment of electronics outside a warehouse. We once covered a girl’s white Mitsubishi Eclipse in dark and sticky prune juice, leaving the cans crumpled up in the tailpipes.

We drew or painted on whatever we could, and when we got into college, it only got worse. I started writing and creating horrible art to give away to my stoner buddies, who too were making art.

Oh yeah, I was a total bad ass.

After a while, though, you realize being broke sucks, and canvases cost money. So, I sobered up enough to make it out of OU before year six kicked in.

“Mirror, Mirror” Installation

Sure, I used to be hell on wheels, a bit of a hothead, but look at me now!

I’m making grown up money working for The Man, editing books for a publishing house.

A semi-respectable degree from a mostly just average university, which landed me a shaky career!

Many of us eventually reach this stage when we have to grow up, but damn, it is fun delaying the inevitable! And that’s what a  lot of basketball stars (and pro athletes in general) run into. They have no real need to mature quickly. They have tons of babysitters and “yes men” to help them with whatever they need. This causes many new studs to become divas, almost instantly.

Being a rookie in the NBA has gone form something for guys in their mid-twenties to a life altering wake up call for a pool of young guns, some barely out of high school. The League is now featuring more and more young talent. And along with this influx of young players comes a lot of temper tantrums.

These young players, who are throwing fits, are causing disruption within the ranks. Let’s face it, you can have the most talent on the team, but if you are a horrible sport, no one will want to play with you. Here’s a quick list of some players around the League who are just now overcoming their own haunting pasts and finding success this fantasy basketball season.

New York Knicks:

Carmlo Anthony

When you think of a cancerous basketball teammate, the first name that comes to mind is Carmelo Anthony. Everyone knows he loves to shoot. Otherwise, he literally does nothing else. He is notorious for standing around, trying not to get injured until someone passes him the ball, so that he can run out the shot clock, draw all the attention to him, and then shoot a three pointer as the shot clock sounds. Truly, he’s like the lost Kardashian sister. He love, love, loves attention, but hates playing D. With all of this said, he is actually doing well with the leadership role out in New York. The Knicks just went through a coaching change and major injuries, but have shown some real grit as of late. Personally, I’m loving the rivalry that’s building up between New York and Boston. Who doesn’t love that ol’ classic! Anthony is number 41 on ESPN’s Player Rater and is averaging a healthy 27 Fpts per game.

J.R. Smith

Continuing with the train wreck that is the Knicks, my second trouble maker turned exception to the rule is J.R. SmithThe Bleacher Report, when Smith was set to be a free agent before playing with the Knicks, said that he was “selfish” and not a “[not] a leader.” Ian Begley of ESPN wrote “Death. Taxes. Inconsistent play from J.R. Smith. For the past eight seasons, those were the three things NBA fans could count on.” However, he has admitted to cutting back on partying, and the results are very evident. “He’s a different player. He’s really matured, and he’s really buying into what coach is preaching, and it’s been a big help,” said teammate Tyson Chandler.  Smith is 86th on the Player Rater and is averaging almost 18 Fpts per game.

Amar’e Stoudemire

If you thought I couldn’t make it a trio for the Knickerbockers on this list, you’d be crazy! This dumb fool is Amar’e Stoudemire. yeah, I’m not sure what the apostrophe is for either. Ever since he smashed his hand into a glass fire extinguisher case during one of the most critical post season runs of his career, then sat out each game, sporting horrendous hobo garb, Stoudemire has been under a lot of scrutiny. How selfish is it to ruin your hand by acting stupid when your team needs you the most? It’s no wonder the Knicks have had trouble finding someway to make these lunatics work together. But like the rest, given injuries as usual, Stoudemire has been fairly productive. He recently came back from injury but has reached 20 Fpts in three of his last four contests, as the Knicks look to rally late this year. He has also softened up a bit, offering lunch for facility workers for the second consecutive year, a very kind act to hard working Knicks employees. He also offered high schoolers a chance to see a Knicks game in memory of his late brother. With the All-star break on the horizon, look for these guys to come back even stronger as they push to make it to the playoffs.

Sacramnto Kings:

DeMarcus Cousins

DCuz is finally blowin’ up!

It took him a while to get over his disciplinary issues with his team, but all signs point to fantasy productivity for this guy! He does still throw a blatant elbow once every few weeks, but he’s a big dude, and those big guys like to bang down there , so it’s to be expected. Cousins is number 17 on ESPN’s Player Rater, and he has been steady for the bulk of the season, averaging almost 27 Fpts per game. I think structure will truly benefit this kid, and maybe the Kings’ move to Seattle will finally bring Cousins the system he’s always wanted.

Brooklyn Nets:

Andray Blatche

Blatche is so famous, or infamous, for his hardships, he even has pdf’s depicting his checkered past. Among some of his notable stories are his lack of driving skills, his poor choice of friends (he was questioned in regards to a Philadelphia rape case, in which he was alleged to have possibly been a witness), his gunshot wound from a carjacking, his fine for making fun of Gilbert Arenas bringing guns to the workplace, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, he is actually playing basketball this year! Turns out he’s 88th overall on ESPN’s Player Rater. He has peaks and valleys, but for the most part, has been solid for the Nets.

Houston Rockets:

Royce White

White has had a public battle with the team that drafted him, The Rockets. He is having a tough time coping with his anxiety, which apparently is much worse or far less manageable than when he was playing college ball. The team and White even split ways for a bit, but news came recently that plans were in the works for White to return under D-league status. This really sucks for fans and fantasy bball players, because White had the size and ability to be a Lebron James type of player, someone who can handle the rock but also take on the biggest center on the court. Royce white had a lot going for him, and hopefully we will get a glimpse of some of his work this season. His situation has sparked the debate about mental health in workers. The Rockets haven’t gotten any play from him really, so you feel bad for them, having wasted a top pick on the guy. In the future, I really hope to see him play more. But for this season, just keep an eye out for Houston injuries.


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