What’s in a Name?


I Pitta the Fool.

That which we call a JPEG by any other name would smell as sweet. Every year, thousands of fantasy football owners scramble to sound crafty and ingenious by naming their team something funny. There seems to be two main strategies in this endeavor–using an NFL player’s name or just a funny phrase-turned-football–and I’ve got the keys to success for both this year.

No doubt you’re still swooning over my amazing Photoshop skills. Yes, that’s the seasonally-injured Dennis Pitta in gold chains, dawg! If you’re not quite as cool or multi-talented as I, no worries…I’ve got you covered.

As I mentioned, most team names are either a play on someone’s name or a football term. Some names are homophones and don’t need any real tweaking at all, like Forte, Cassle, Breese, Kolb, or Ansah. Some names are based more on phonetic stretches of the imagination, like Dwayne Bowe (Rainbow), Schaub (Job), or Boldin (Bold and). Hopefully, this is enough to get the ball rolling for you in the name category. If not, here’s some more from The Bleacher Report.


Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe
Double Dwayne Bowe
Pimpin’ Ain’t Breesy
Forte Ounces to Freedom
My Fair Brady
Corn on the Kolb
Yo Gabba Gabbert
Cassel Made of Sand
Whatcha Talkin’ About Hillis?
Rowdy Roddy White
Jamaal Charles in Charge
Medulla Amendola
The Boldin The Beautiful
Orton Hears a Boo
My Bironas
DeMarco Polo.
Is That Your Final Ansah?
Jersey Leshoure
Belichick Yourself Before You Rex Yourself
The Hurt Locker
Good Morning Viet-Nnamdi
Cromartie McFly

Hand Schaub

As far as football terms go, you want to aim for names that will demonstrate how bad you’re going to beat the other teams, like “Multiple Scorgasms,” “Victorious Secret,” or “The Abusement Park.” This lets your opposition know ahead of time that you have genitalia smaller than your ego.

For a complete list of the 101 “best” names, check out the Team Names web site. Seriously, though, don’t be that sore loser bump on a log that doesn’t name their team something. You will be shunned accordingly.


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