Trim That Tree: Decorating Despite a Y Chromosome

Originally published 12/2012

My Tebow Angel tree topper.

Now that you’ve recovered from the carbo coma and consumerism of Thanksgiving, you’ll want to express your fantasy frustrations in the form of an ornament. Whether you hate the Jets (let’s be honest, that’s like everyone) or are sick of Vick, there are sports ornaments out there that reflect exactly that.

One of my personal favorites is the “Desktop” series through The Denver Post. They feature printable paper cutouts that you can then construct with scissors and tape. Featured are some of the most popular NFL players–Tom Brady, Von Miller (Broncos or Aggies), Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, and a bootlegged version of Ndamukong Suh (he’s always breaking rules). Check out the whole pdf list here.

Desktop Manning
Desktop Von Miller (A&M)

These guys can be easily hung up with some string, and the graphics are awesome! They specify to print it on a larger (and thicker stock) than normal paper, but the 11 x 17″ copy paper proved difficult to find. 11 x 14 might be less of a headache to hunt down. The great thing about these is that they’re free! But if you’re willing to shell out a couple bucks, you can find some real sweet gems.

Ali defending his spot on the tree.

I found this awesome Ali ornament at a local thrift shop for a few dollars, and I think it goes well with the remote control below it. I found great “man cave” ornaments for half off at Hobby Lobby. I also found a great selection of local college team ornaments (OU and OSU) at my local Walmart. My Tebow Angel tree topper was a homemade project much like the “desktop” series. You can make just about any tree topper your sports heart desires. Just save your toilet paper rolls when you’re done droppin’ bombs in the bathroom and slap a printed image or photo on it.

Tegan and Sara

Whatever you decide, don’t let your tree be an abomination of pink and sparkles! Man up and show Santa what a real man’s Xmas tree looks like. And forget the cookies; leave him a glass of whisky!



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