Week 11 Preview: Dreaming of Success

dragonSo I had a dream last night that involved me, my girlfriend, her mother and aunt, and about 15 Komodo dragons.

No, we weren’t cast as extras in Trent Richardson’s orgy sex tape, but it did leave me slightly frightened.

So, here’s how it went. My girlfriend and I, accompanied by her mother, went to some dream-related aunt’s house to visit. As soon as we enter said dream domicile, I could tell this lady was a few fish short of being a great catch. I was greeted by numerous hissing Komodo dragons, and as my girlfriend’s mother wandered to the kitchen, where I assume this wench of a dream aunt was sitting, my girlfriend and I cautiously made our way to the living room to set our luggage down (I guess we were to stay for some time in this reptilian hellhole).

As I lay my bags down, one of the dragons gives me the evil eye. You know, one of those looks where someone is either raping you with their eyeballs or sizing your skull up in proportion to their hands.

Needless to say, this dream beast had those weird eyes like crocs, that have a clear third eyelid, and claws the size of chopsticks.

So I freak.

“What the hell is with all of the Komodo dragons, yo?” I ask.

“They’re just my aunt’s pets,” my girlfriend reassures me.

Ahh, well that’s a relief.

“They may or may not be poisonous…just depends which ones,” I hear waft into the living room from the gravely-voiced gargoyle mystery dream relative in the kitchen.

Ahh, well that’s a relief.

About this time, one starts chasing me. And of course it’s the Bo Jackson looking one, with muscles somehow not normally common to earthly animals.

It eventually tracks me down and takes a bite at my inner thigh, leaving a deep red mark of its teeth on me.

Now, if you’re at all familiar with my insatiable appetite for self-destruction and bad luck, you would already assume that this must be the most poisonous of the brood (or technically speaking, a clan).

I back up, against a wall. Me cornered, the beast keeps on hissing. Within seconds, the bite mark on my inner leg is pulsing with heat and turning colors.

“You dumb b__ch!” I yell at the seemingly unfazed dream aunt still in the kitchen. “How can you let f__king dragons just roam around your house?”

“Oh, okay guys,” she responds, “let’s all remember the day when Tyler Worsham was a big ‘ol pussy.”

(I can’t censor everything.)

At this point I’m certain I’m going to die and end up in safari Heaven with Steve Irwin.

“Maybe next time you visit, you should bring a gun,” the aunt’s voice suggests.

And wouldn’t you know it, suddenly, I’m gripping a true dream machine, akin to a real life .357 magnum. In what can only be hauntingly true to my real life instincts, I forget all relationships and briskly shoot my way outta the place, straight popppin’ caps in some dragon ass!

And, just as I make it back to the front door, I shoot a fat lead sandwich right into the open mouth of one of the beasts and escape with my life and no girlfriend.

Luckily I woke up right next to her.

Curious about the meaning of this semi-conscious petting zoo from hell scenario, I was quick to look up the meaning in a dream dictionary:

komodoNow, granted, it’s hard to trust a definition when an alternative definition is presented, kids, but yesterday I traded Demaryius Thomas for Alfred Morris, and I never could have guessed that it would have had such a profound celestial impact on my subconscious.

Clearly, Demaryius and myself have some sort of cosmic connection that I may have previously taken for granted.

“What about the sudden gun?” you may ask.

Great question.

gunGeez, I hope my wiener still works…

Luckily for me, I wasn’t firing blanks and was able to smoke those friggin’ dragons.

In a sense, it took me a while to pull the trigger on my first trade this fantasy football season, and I bet a lot of people feel the same way.

I have the utmost confidence in myself, and I really didn’t wanna come out on the losing side of some deal. I feel that Morris for Thomas was great for me and for The Blair Walsh Project. He had a butt ton of great RB’s and I had great trade bait and a need for a solid flex option.

Plus, there are enough WR’s out there for me to not be having nightmares.

Colts and Titans tonight! Don’t forget to set those lineups, and pull the trigger on that trade!

Here’s the match ups this week:

wk 11 sched

Week 11 Literally Literate FFL Rankings

mad-scientist-movie1Hard at work, breaking down massive amounts of pseudoscientific data, in the never-ending quest of fantasy football domination.

Here’s the updated ranks for week 11 of the literally Literate Fantasy Football League:

wk 11 ranksWeek 11 Rankings:

1) [Br]eaking [Br]adshaw 151

2) Cousin Vinny’s Escort Services 132

3) Spacin’ Vaders 121

3) I Pitta the Fool 121

3) Dez Dispenser 121

6) Trophy Wife 116

7) The Blair Walsh Project 109

8) Don’t Call Me Rodney 100

9) Crawrsenal FC 96

10) Team Reese 94

Not a whole lot of action this week in the ranks. I’m still in the playoff hunt, and actually made a move I think will help me out for the rest of the season. I went ahead and traded Demaryius Thomas to The Blair Walsh Project for Alfred Morris.

My reasoning was this: I’ve wanted to trade Thomas before, but never got anything great in return during negotiations. Thomas has solidified himself as the go-to guy on the Broncos, racking up 5 TD’s in three weeks while Wes Welker and Eric Decker have been hauntingly lackluster the last few weeks.

The Broncos are going up against the Chiefs twice in the next three weeks, and although I have no doubt Manning would roll himself out on the field on a gurney at this point in his career, I could see something bad happening in the next few weeks with the pressure he’ll be facing from the opposing line.

My RB’s are now Frank Gore, Zac Stacy, Alfred Morris, Darren Sproles, and Shane Vereen, with Kendall Hunter as a handcuff. I feel that WR has been more hit or miss this year, and I also feel that with D. Thomas’ 3 TD’s last week, I may have gotten the most I possibly can out of him. Finding someone to post 8 points in his absence may be somewhat of a crapshoot, but I believe it is very much possible.

However, if I could move say 2 RB’s and Keenan Allen for a stud WR, I’d be all in!

MAKIN’ MOVES, YA’LL!

Tuesday Morning Relief: Straight Scramblin’

 

scrambled-eggs-su-1017334-lReal rough game, this week. Up against some stiff competition in Spacin’ Vaders, I found myself second guessing my QB decision. I had Terrelle Pryor as my Andrew Luck backup, but I dropped him for Carson Palmer on the waivers, who I then dropped for Alex Smith through free agency, who I then ditched ten minutes to kickoff for Geno Smith, who ended up scoring me 2 pts.

space

How’d those other guys work out?

Alex Smith 21

Terrelle Pryor 15

Carson Palmer 12

I know, right? BRILLIANT!

Can’t say the news got any better when Julius Thomas went down with an ankle injury, and just last night Zac Stacy went down with an ankle injury.

Add to that the fact that Darren Sproles’ fantasy numbers this year are utterly abysmal.

At least I’ve still got Demaryius Thomas in the stable…

Prolly just jinxed myself.

Here’s how this week’s games turned out.

wk 8 results

Big ups for Dez Dispenser getting the highest point total so far this year! They had Calvin Johnson and Dez Bryant, who both went nutzo. One on the field, and one on the sideline. Golden Tate got a sick taunt in on the Seahawks, who got disrespected by Steve Smith last week.  They also saw Colin Kaepernick return to form. Toss in the Bengals D with 2 pick 6’s and Darren Mcfadden with 2 TD’s, and 171 is gonna be hard for me to beat in week nine!

dez dispThe spots generally remain the same, and in our ESPN page I’m still in the hunt for the playoffs, so hopefully the wire will be good to me this week. Daddy needs a winning streak!

Tuesday Morning Relief: The Case for Justin Blackmon

BlackmonArrest_0

So I went and did it. I usually hate picking up delinquents, but I just couldn’t pass up Justin Blackmon.

Yesterday, I picked up the Jacksonville Jaguars WR and ultimately dropped Alshon Jeffrey because of it. In our ten-team league, no one drafted him, most likely because he is sitting out for the first four games. But to say that, even after serving his suspension, he won’t end up in the top 160 of fantasy points is ludicrous, I think.

Last season, Blackmon ranked 121st in total points in ESPN standard scoring while scoring 0 fantasy points in 4 different games. And with his performance in the preseason, it only stands to reason that he could easily produce those same numbers.

Moreover, with my group of receivers, Blackmon is my sixth stringer. Ahead of Blackmon are Demaryius Thomas, Reggie Wayne, James Jones, Stevie Johnson, and Houston rookie DeAndre Hopkins, who some are touting as a possible Offensive Rookie of the Year candidate.

As an OU alum, sure it stings a bit to pick him up (I also had high hopes for A. Jeffrey this year), but hey, if Blackmon can stay off drugs and away from confrontation, he may just be worth the risk.