Tuesday Morning Relief: The 5 Stages of Not Making the Fantasy Playoffs

hopelessI missed the playoffs in the Literally Literate FFL this year by 4 pts.

A Ledarius Green TD could have sealed it for me. Would have clinched with a Michael Floyd trash time reception. If Keenan Allen didn’t fumble and Delanie Walker didn’t get concussed, I’d be sittin’ pretty right now.

2013 STANDINGS

Instead, I’m playing for fifth. And since I finished fifth, here are the 5 signs of grief commonly discussed in psychology.

Step 1. Denial

This stage includes feelings of shock, numbness, and disbelief. When loss first comes, most of us have a hard time believing “this is really happening.”

Dude! I put everything I f__king had into this season! This was gonna be my comeback year, where I went from last to first. I mean, I was at least in the running for the playoffs! I actually did analysis this summer and kept spreadsheets of my draft and performance this year. I made f__king rankings from scratch each week to help evaluate my competitors. THIS CAN’T BE REAL!

Step 2. Anger

Anger can present itself in a variety of ways—anger at your loved one, at others, at God, at the world, at yourself.  And anger can be a difficult emotion to cope with.

F__k this s__t! F__k Darren Sproles. F__k Andrew Luck. F__k these fake ass helmets and all these concussions.

F__k the Packers. F__k the refs in the Washington game. F__k Steven Jackson. F__k Frank Gore.

And a BIG F__K YOU to Stevie Johnson!

Step 3. Bargaining

With bargaining, there’s a sense that we just want life back to the way it used to be. We wish we could go back in time, catch the illness sooner, see something we didn’t see. We may also feel guilty, focusing on “If only…”.

Four points?! FOUR POINTS?! I seriously coulda had this! I had three chances to seal the deal. Shoulda popped on Bobby Rainey that one week. I picked up Michael Floyd and didn’t start him, whyyyyyy? How could Alfred Morris get absolutely NO second half yards? Shane Vereen for Zac Stacy woulda put me over the top.

Step 4. Depression

Eventually grief will enter on a deeper level, bringing with it intense feelings of emptiness and sadness. We feel like we don’t care about much of anything and wish life would just hurry up and pass on by. Getting out of bed can be a huge burden, exhaustion and apathy can set in, and we may begin to wonder, “what’s the point?” for pretty much everything.

What’s the point of finishing the season? The very fact that a 6-7 team made it in ahead of me proves that this whole sport is absolute luck and bulls__t. I was last place the year before and fifth this year while only winning one more game. Why even bother obsessing with something that isn’t even based on skill? Why even make roster moves? Who cares anymore? F__k this season, man.

Step 5. Acceptance

The experience of “depression” is what leads to “acceptance”. Many people mistakenly believe that “acceptance” means we are “cured” or “all right” with the loss. But this isn’t the case at all. The loss will forever be a part of us, though we will feel it more some times than others. Acceptance simply means we are ready to try and move on—to accommodate ourselves to this world without our loved one.

Well, I did make a few good calls. Julius Thomas and Zac Stacy were nice. I picked up Alshon Jeffery but ended up giving him away. I was the first to hype up Justin Blackmon, who was solid while sober. I jumped on Keenan Allen and got a solid month or so of top ten play outta him. No one really saw Frank Gore being so solid at his age. I don’t know, I really wanted a shot at the belt this year, and all along I felt confident about my chances. Last year I got last, but only missed the playoffs by two games, and this year, I miss out by a mere 4 points. In all seriousness, I didn’t achieve my ultimate goal of the fantasy playoffs this year, but I did make incredible progress. Time to review my season and prepare for next year. Not before I beat the snot outta the consolation bracket, though!

Justin Blackmon Banned

BlackmonArrest_0Via various sources, Justin Blackmon’s season is most likely done for, and he is indefinitely banned for substance abuse issues after sitting out the first four games of the season for the same issue.

Blackmon was lightning in a bottle this year, going for 19 points in his first two games, only to mellow out soon after…maybe mellowed out too much.

I loved him, I hated him, now he’s gone. Oh well!

Look for Cecil Shorts and Mike Brown to step up. Also, vote below for what you think his drug of choice is!

The Dreaded FLEX: Part Deux

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[The Dreaded FLEX: Part One]

“Who do you think I should I play?” I ask my girlfriend.
Yes, halfway through the season, it’s already to the point where I throw strategy out the window and shoot arrows in the dark. “Darren Sproles or James Jones?”
“I like James Jones,” she tells me.
“Well, Sproles burned me last time I sat him.”
“That’s true. I don’t know, I just like Jones.”
“Yeah, he is playing a weak D, and his numbers have been real solid so far.”
“You should totally plaaaayyy himmm,” my girlfriend teases me.
“Eh, I think I’m just gonna leave my lineup like it is.”
“All right,” my girlfriend says.
I exit the fantasy football app on my phone and set it on the coffee table in the living room of our two-bedroom apartment, at about 11:50 a.m. on Sunday morning.
Ten minutes till kickoff.
“You know, I expect James Jones to have a huge fantasy day, against a Baltimore D that has allowed some huge receiving numbers this year,” Matthew Berry tells Tim Hasselbeck on ESPN’s Fantasy Football Now “FLEX Appeal” segment.
“Isn’t that the guy you were thinking about playing?” she asks me.
“Yes.”
“See, even the ESPN people said he’s good,” my girlfriend tells me.
Great.
I grab my phone and take another peak at my lineup. I’m unable to view the “points against” category on my phone, so I dodge to the man cave. Opening our league’s home page and viewing my lineup, I can see that the Ravens D really does have holes.
It’s 11:55.
Five minutes till kickoff, but my roster has the GB game as already in play.
What the HELL? Can I not change my lineup?
I start to slightly freak and double-check that I can still make roster moves at this point.
It looks like just a glitch.
I insert James Jones.
It’s 12:05.
The game has just started.
“Rodgers to James Jones for ten yards,” the announcer tells us.
Yes! What a great start!
“Isn’t that the guy you started?” my girlfriend asks me.
“Oh, yeah! Pretty good start so far!”
The next play is a run for Eddie Lacy for about three yards.
“And it looks like James Jones is down.”
Greeeeaaaaatttttt!!
“Isn’t that that guy you started?”

First of all, I don’t really understand how my girlfriend can’t memorize all 32 offensive rosters either. I mean, there’s only like 200 players to keep track of. Get it together, babe.

But most importantly, I can’t seem to get the FLEX position worked out just right. Both James Jones and my Christlike self-confidence would not return that afternoon.

Early this season, WR’s and TE’s had the vast majority of scoring and TD’s while teams have since mellowed out and started to rely on RB’s more in the red zone (Teams like the Pats, the Browns, and Broncos, and the Chargers giving it to the backs at an outstanding rate).

My lineup just straight up sucked this week, though. My highest point-getter was my kicker. So, yeah. I was hoping for a W, to move up into a more solid spot in the rankings. Instead, I’m now bunched right in the thick of the playoff hopefuls. Halfway through the season, and I’m 3-3, so no real signs of dominance there. Hopefully I can get a winning streak together.

Here’s how the other games shook out:
wk 6 results[Br]eaking [Br]adshaw continues to stomp the life out of the competition, and he didn’t even play Justin Blackmon, who I ended up dropping for Jonathan Franklin a week before Blackmon’s suspension was up.

Jonathan who?

Exactly.

Kicking myself on that one.

But I will take credit for the good call after the draft, though. The management issues, those clearly fall on my girlfriend’s intuition.

Tuesday Morning Relief: The Case for Justin Blackmon

BlackmonArrest_0

So I went and did it. I usually hate picking up delinquents, but I just couldn’t pass up Justin Blackmon.

Yesterday, I picked up the Jacksonville Jaguars WR and ultimately dropped Alshon Jeffrey because of it. In our ten-team league, no one drafted him, most likely because he is sitting out for the first four games. But to say that, even after serving his suspension, he won’t end up in the top 160 of fantasy points is ludicrous, I think.

Last season, Blackmon ranked 121st in total points in ESPN standard scoring while scoring 0 fantasy points in 4 different games. And with his performance in the preseason, it only stands to reason that he could easily produce those same numbers.

Moreover, with my group of receivers, Blackmon is my sixth stringer. Ahead of Blackmon are Demaryius Thomas, Reggie Wayne, James Jones, Stevie Johnson, and Houston rookie DeAndre Hopkins, who some are touting as a possible Offensive Rookie of the Year candidate.

As an OU alum, sure it stings a bit to pick him up (I also had high hopes for A. Jeffrey this year), but hey, if Blackmon can stay off drugs and away from confrontation, he may just be worth the risk.