2013 FBB Recap: Fantasy Player of the Year and 5 Resolutions for FBB 2014

The 2013 fantasy basketball season is over, and I didn’t win. Is my existence now worthless?


In the finale of the fantasy bball season, I lost by a hundred to the OKC Tornadoes, 1547-1445. It was my first year in fantasy basketball, and I honestly thought I may have a fighting chance. Alas, I could have made it more interesting, but players sitting out and injuries hampered the type of play I would have needed to make a strong comeback. I finished 2nd in both my friendly H2H Bootsy Collins League and my roto league, New World Order.

Ultimately, our friendly league was ubercompetitive, which made the finals series a hysterical and outrageous event. After the first day, it was apparent that we both knew the gig. As soon as the first games for that day started, free agents were swooped up for the next day in a mad rush. Sometimes, in the frenzy of picking replacement players, my opponent would pick one up right as I was about to pick them. But for the most part we usually had separate picks, which cleaned out the free agent list quite quickly. It was incredibly exciting!

I was ahead by ten when my players started to not perform. On day 7Kenneth Faried gets hurt and goes for -1 pts. Day 8D-Will doesn’t get any playing time for Brooklyn. Day 9Aaron Gray sits while Jonas Valanciunas starts. And on the final day of games, I put all my chips in on Joakim Noah, only to see him net  1 pt.

Yes, the end to my fantasy bball season was not what I had wanted, but it was very, very close. I learned a lot this year, and much like my fantasy football recap, this bball one has my 5 resolutions for next year:

1) Always Pick the Stars–this is something that is hard to stick by in my situation. But countless times I would find myself putting all my faith in a young guy who had been streaking. Some, like John Henson and Tobias Harris, paid off while others, like Aaron Gray and Nazr Mohammed, straight train wrecked me. Going with the stud, especially down the stretch may be the difference between winning and losing. Caron Butler finally showed up the last game of the season (his crazy eye is alleged to have helped play a part in the peak performance), as did Rashard Lewis. Trust the famous players.

Butler and his crazy eye.

2) Check Last Minute Injury Reports–I got screwed on this quite a bit. I guess it would help to check before the first game of the night begins. But I ride carpool from work.

3) Don’t Be Afraid to Draft Dwight Howard–old man back or not, Dwight has killed it this year and turned in the second best performance of the year, next to David Lee of the Golden State Warriors, averaging 36 mins, 12. 5 boards, 2.5 blocks, and 17 pts a game. There’s no word yet as to if he’ll stay in the city of angels, but wherever he goes, he has proven that he still has the all-star ability that made him such a hot commodity while in Orlando.

4) Shoot for 200–with any typical 7-day H2H schedule, 200 points is a solid goal for any one day of games. If you can accumulate 200 points per day, you will win every time. I scored over 200 pts/day a total of 16 times out of 23 weeks of play. In the regular season, I was 7-2 when I had scored at least 200 pts in one day, and 2-1 in the playoffs when I reached the 200 pt mark. In match ups during the regular season where I scored 200 pts or more twice in a week of games, I was 2-0.

5) Don’t Mess with Neptune Nightmares

Fantasy Basketball Player of the Year:

This year, the fantasy bball player of the Year Award was a battle between two men: LeBron James and Kevin Durant. Only 5 fantasy points separated the two this year, and for many, they are equally as talented in different areas. Durant is cool and tends to make finesse plays and big outside jumpers, whereas James is now almost exclusively working in the paint. James and Durant are the most dominant players int he league, real or fantasy, and it’s awesome having them on different coasts!

LeBron James-East

This is What Winning Feels Like

I’ve now advanced to the finals in my Head-2-Head Bball league.

With a brutal spanking, which I’m sure left bruises, to team Lussy Pips, I’m poised to take on the OKC Tornadoes in the championship round of the 2012-13 Fantasy Basketball season.

It’s been a blast this year, and I’m sad to see the fantasy season coming to an end. Yet, as a fan of the game, I’m thoroughly enthralled about the playoffs finally arriving (especially for my hometown OKC Thunder). We don’t have anything but pride on the line in our friendly H2H league, but a lot of teams have continued to play throughout the season, which is more than I can say about my roto league…

In my roto league, it’s basically down to me and one other dude. I have finally surpassed him in games, and I’m still behind in points, so it’s not looking too good.

Getting second in a league of two is not very exciting, especially when losing to someone so oblivious.

I mentioned in an earlier blog how roto league leader, Neptune Nightmares, had no idea that there were caps on games in this league. Apparently, this was true:

But one reason why the fantasy basketball season has been so arduous is the lack of activity.

This year, there were 2 trades in my friendly league and 1 (involving myself) in my roto league. This made all star players virtually untouchable outside of the draft. If you didn’t pick enough all stars, too bad; you weren’t gettin’ any. Not having any big name players on the market really dulled the play of the fantasy bball league, but my friendly league was still competitive till the end.

March Madness has produced mixed results as well.

I finally beat my girlfriend in ESPN’s Tournament Challenge (all of her Final Four picks have been eliminated/I still have Louisville).

Thank Christ. I was actually worried there for a second.

If Louisville won, I won. If The Shockers won, she won.

We went to my parents’ 30th wedding anniversary party last night and watched the Final Four coverage there. My whole family loves my girlfriend and wanted The Shockers to again defy all odds and pull off another victory against a one seed.

Thankfully, you can trust Pitinos further than you can throw ’em. Ol’ Ricky pulled out a come-from-behind W.

“There can be only one…BRACKET WINNER!”

And now, having claimed supreme knowledge of all things college basketball, my girlfriend has to cook me dinner.

Which is more like a punishment, really.

Ya Gotta Have Faith: Surviving the Fantasy Basketball Season

“I won my league last year,” a coworker of mine told me when I asked him about fantasy basketball before this, my inaugural season. “I think I was probably the only one still playing.”

The fantasy basketball season is a long and torturous beast, and it seems like just surviving the 20 weeks of the regular season may be the hardest part.

My two leagues are no different. In my roto league, one team, DCMetro Fire started talking shit the very first week.

Beacuse of scheduling of the first games, he had a tremendous lead on all of us. He soon gave up after I stomped the fuck out of his “team,” and now, in the same league, the leader is wondering if anyone is still interested in losing to him.

It’s basically me and him now, and I’m not sure he knows he has a cap on games played.

My coworker was right. But honestly, I think people get too discouraged after losing in basketball because of the extended scoring formula. With games every night, it really takes a lot out of you to lose incredibly slowly over the course of a week. Most people end up leaving the league or just not paying attention. There are a few different types of losers in fantasy basketball:

1) Just draft.–I mean, you drafted players; isn’t that enough?

2) Give up after a few weeks.–Reality check: you’re a soccer fan at heart.

3) Check in every month or so–Keep telling yourself this makes it easier to lose somehow.

Consequently, if you still have a reason to keep playing, there is always that one dick in the group. You know, the one who has 300 more roster moves than everyone else and feels a compulsive desire to fully stock their roster every single game with possible nobodies in a vain attempt to not just win but get the most points each week. This is the type of dickwad I’m currently left with in my friendly league.

The psychology of a dumbass dickface can be difficult for some rational normal people to understand, so let me explain. This person is DESPERATE. No, for real. The chances that this twat is going bananas in 12 other leagues is about 99.9%. Frankly, changing your roster everyday is a real hassle for anyone with more than two friends. The weekends, where you have to wake from a rum coma to move guys off your bench, are the absolute worst. Yet, these guys accomplish all their moves and trades well ahead of time, so that they can accomplish this in every league.

Case in point: friendly league dickface OKC Tornadoes has an average of 400 more moves than anyone else in the league, and he still managed to lose. In fact, his raging trading and dumping has him a whopping 2 games ahead of me, which doesn’t really matter at all since we’re based in 4 different divisions.

Friendly league dickface number 2 and “Saturday Night Live” joke writer your mom is probably just tired of me whoopin’ his ass. He started off the season slowly, but eventually went on a 9-game win streak, which I abruptly ended of course. I’ve beaten him 3 times now, and he seems to be getting desperate for a W. He’s second to me in our division, so I could understand the hatred. He’s also second in moves overall with a hundred plus more than me. I’m up 10 points, and he just cleared his roster out to try and beat me with my 6 players.

So, ultimately, my inaugural fantasy basketball experience has been a tale of two overriding emotions–disappointment in the fact that so many people gave up so quickly and made half of my wins feel hollow and worthless, and pride in the fact that I don’t have to commit every second of my life to a fake sport and can still wipe the floor with fanatical idiots.

Up and down, some might say. But in the end, I’ve had a blast, managed to not talk too much cyber trash, and have been very content with not being a dick.

Personally, I’m just ready for the fantasy playoffs (currently projected as a 3 seed).