Where Have All the QB’s Gone?

sad brees

I’m currrently 2-0 in my I-actually-know-these-people-in-real-life league and 1-1 in my I-have-no-clue-who-any-of-these-people-are-except-for-one-guy-who-invited-me-to-join-to-fill-the-last-remaining-spot league. But the bigger story this week is what to do if your QB is working out so far.

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Trim That Tree: Decorating Despite a Y Chromosome

Originally published 12/2012

My Tebow Angel tree topper.

Now that you’ve recovered from the carbo coma and consumerism of Thanksgiving, you’ll want to express your fantasy frustrations in the form of an ornament. Whether you hate the Jets (let’s be honest, that’s like everyone) or are sick of Vick, there are sports ornaments out there that reflect exactly that.

One of my personal favorites is the “Desktop” series through The Denver Post. They feature printable paper cutouts that you can then construct with scissors and tape. Featured are some of the most popular NFL players–Tom Brady, Von Miller (Broncos or Aggies), Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, and a bootlegged version of Ndamukong Suh (he’s always breaking rules). Check out the whole pdf list here.

Desktop Manning
Desktop Von Miller (A&M)

These guys can be easily hung up with some string, and the graphics are awesome! They specify to print it on a larger (and thicker stock) than normal paper, but the 11 x 17″ copy paper proved difficult to find. 11 x 14 might be less of a headache to hunt down. The great thing about these is that they’re free! But if you’re willing to shell out a couple bucks, you can find some real sweet gems.

Ali defending his spot on the tree.

I found this awesome Ali ornament at a local thrift shop for a few dollars, and I think it goes well with the remote control below it. I found great “man cave” ornaments for half off at Hobby Lobby. I also found a great selection of local college team ornaments (OU and OSU) at my local Walmart. My Tebow Angel tree topper was a homemade project much like the “desktop” series. You can make just about any tree topper your sports heart desires. Just save your toilet paper rolls when you’re done droppin’ bombs in the bathroom and slap a printed image or photo on it.

Tegan and Sara

Whatever you decide, don’t let your tree be an abomination of pink and sparkles! Man up and show Santa what a real man’s Xmas tree looks like. And forget the cookies; leave him a glass of whisky!


Week 7 Power Rankings


Crunchin’ numbers and staring at beakers filled with Gatorade, in hopes of bringing you up-to-date Literally Literate FFL Power Rankings.

Here’s how the math breaks down this week (Don’t worry, the ###’s represent numbers with repeating remainders, like 3.6777…and I’m just too lazy to fill them in, although I am guilty of rounding them up!):

wk 7 power rankings

Literally literate Week 7 Power Rankings:

1) [Br]eaking [Br]adshaw 147

2) Cousin Vinny’s Escort Services 138

3) Trophy Wife 122

4) I Pitta the Fool 116

5) Team Reese 111

6) The Blair Walsh Project 110

7) Spacin’ Vaders 108

8) Crawrsenal FC 105

8) Don’t Call Me Rodney 105

10) Dez Dispenser 97


The Ghost of Cory Monteith


If you’re a FF fan, then no doubt you’ve been disappointed in the Thursday night football debacles of late. Last night, however, saw the Niners return to fine form against the current League whipping boy St. Louis Rams. Frank Gore, my no. 2 RB finally busted off some runs and a TD. Unfortunately for me, my pop culture obsessed girlfriend wanted to watch the Glee season premiere/heroin addict tribute on TV.

Yes, instead of watching Gore go 34 yds for his TD in the first half, I was sitting through a terribly directed version of the Beatles’ “All You Need is Love” performed by thirty-something-year old actors, playing high schoolers, who wear clothes from the eighties, but also text on iPhones.

Edgy, I know.

I’ll admit that this was my first time watching Glee, and I’ve got to say, doesn’t look like I’ve missed much. If anyone can tell me how the directorial skills of a porno aficionado distracted by boobies, combined with the complete lack of setting, propped up by old fogies playing the parts of children–somewhat reminiscent of  90210–is interesting, I would be all ears.

Those poor real-life choir kids and drama nerds, who make up the assumed majority of the audience, must really, really not have much going on in their lives.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just steaming from having to watch the live feed of the Thursday night game on my phone. But for real, Glee has no plot, brah.

Seems like they just set up a 20-second scene that somehow contains the loose narrative of the lyrics in the upcoming song, to no real overall flow whatsoever.

Just my first-time experience of the program.

Not to mention that the big issue of Cory Monteith dying in real life wasn’t even addressed. I mean, if you need to explain the absence of a notable character, why not wait till 4 weeks in?

Thank God there wasn’t an aftershow to discuss the nothingness that just took place, and I got to see the second half of the game. So far this season, the greatest highlight from the Thursday night games has been my girlfriend and I coming up with audible signal calls for ladies. After seeing Tom Brady and Peyton Manning audible countless times during their games, my fair lady decided she’d implement some of her own, were she to lead a football team.

While they seem to go with cities or animals like “OMAHA,” or “PANTHER” for offensive calls, or letters and directions for defense, like “TIPS RIGHT” or “ROVER,” she prefers audibles with a more feminine touch.

Maybe shout, “MOSCATO, MOSCATO,” for an out route, or “LEOPARD FLATS,” for a read-option call.

But, alas, the football Gods finally got their act together and put up an exciting game (for anyone who is not a Rams fan). My boy Gore got me 19 big ones, and, had he not been vultured by no-name backups, he could’ve scored two more TD’s.

So, a few teams have early leads with the completion of the first game of the week. But those never really last, do they? Here’s a peak at the match ups this week:

wk 4 game 1

wk 4 game 2

wk 4 game 3

wk 4 game 4

wk 4 game 5

Tuesday Morning Relief: Week 3 Recap


We’re 3 weeks gone in this year’s fantasy football season, and already, trends are taking shape in the Literally Literate FFL. Six out of the ten teams have one win or fewer, and the positioning within the weekly rankings is getting tighter and tighter.

wk 3 game 1In my match up with [Br]eaking [Br]adshaw, I lost quite handily, but he’s been doing great so far, and I don’t see much slowing him down. I was able to keep my point total up, and maybe next week, I’ll get a break. [Br]eaking [Br]adshaw winds up atop the leader board going into week four. And my decent point production helps me stay in the top four. My QB and K could use some work, so I may look to supplement those positions, but for now, I feel good just holding on to make any drastic personnel changes.

wk 3 game 2

Crawrsenal FC lands his highest point total this season at 102, while the Blair Walsh Project falls to 1-2 on the season, despite a solid scoring outing. This week, only CFC and [Br] broke the 100 point total, although the average margin of victory was 21 points. For CFC, this also marks the beginning of a winning streak, on the backs of Cam Newton and the Bears D. Next up for CFC, this week’s number 4 squad, will be a tough match against 2nd ranked Cousin Vinny’s Escort Services.

wk 3 game 3

Team Reese claims her first victory this week over former number 3 rank Don’t Call Me Rodney. Of note in this match up is the inconsistent play of Beast Mode, Marshawn Lynch. Many believed that week 2’s performance declared a return to the runner of ol’, but after a lackluster performance in week 3, there may still be more to this story. A down week for Rodney, who got a double-digit performance from only one player. It doesn’t get any easier, though, as Rodney faces [Br]eaking [Br]adshaw in week 4. Lynch/Charles battle anyone?

wk 3 game 4

A close one here as Dez Dispenser ends up losing to Cousin Vinny 90-87. Darren McFadden received 4 points for chucking a TD and 6 more for running one in. If only he could have accumulated more yards (9 yds on 12 att.), Dez may have gotten their first win. A down week for Cousin Vinny, who still posted one of the higher scores for the week and remains in the hunt for the playoffs early this season.

wk 3 game 5

An upset from the number 9 week 3 seed Trophy Wife over number 5 Spacin’ Vaders. Vaders drops three spots in the week 4 rankings, to number 8 while Trophy Wife ascends to the number 5 spot this week. Jordan Cameron, Matt Forte, and Drew Brees continue to tear it up for Trophy Wife this season. On the opposite side, Peyton Manning is the leading scorer in fantasy football so far, with 90 points through three games, and helping out Spacin’ Vaders.

Here are the Week 4 Rankings for the literally Literate FFL:

wk 3 results

1) [Br]eaking [Br]adshaw 148

2) Cousin Vinny’s Escort Services 138

3) I Pitta the Fool 136

4) Crawrsenal FC 116

5) Trophy Wife 110

5) The Blair Walsh Project 110

7) Don’t Call Me Rodney 104

8) Spacin’ Vaders 103

9) Team Reese 102

10) Dez Dispenser 53